Oliver Ursus writes…

House of Lords (Photo: By UK government on Wikimedia Commons)

Praise the Lords (and Ladies)
“M’Lords and M’Ladies, here’s over three dozen new playmates. They include a Marxist, an IRA sympathiser, a paedophilia supporter (that’s all one person), failed pols who voted to leave the EU, sundry others who campaigned ditto, the party-giving son of a KGB spy, an overweight, already knighted cricketing Leaver, and a close relative. But not, you’ll be delighted to know, that noisy little bugger in the big chair who kept banging on about MP’s rights. I was going to add a couple more deserving cases but the Bossman came back from his latest eye-test and stopped me. Turns out he’s not a great fan of my father or Nige.”

Short pause.

“M’Lords and M’Ladies, it has come to my (Dom’s) attention that there are too many of you . . .”

I’m Dumb’n Stupid
Quiet man, failed Tory leader and slaphead, Ian Dunkin’ Smiff, is complaining that ‘the EU want our money and they want to stop us being a competitor. The Withdrawal Agreement (WA) we signed last year sadly helps them’. Putting aside the fact that he praised and voted for the WA, without apparently reading it, as well as voting for parliament to have limited time to discuss it, you wonder if he and his comrades-in-leaving actually believe the stuff they spout. There seems to be a complete blindness about having achieved their original aim of making the UK an outsider negotiating a deal with a trading block five times its size. Where’s that world-beating oven-ready deal, IDS?

Fake news hits the Bath Road
Coffee and caking at Lucy’s (Bath Road, highly recommended) and met an articulate middle-aged lady who was outraged at the WHO decision to ban all Covid-related autopsies and their insistence that all those who died had to be immediately cremated. Eh? It’s on a film on her iPhone so it must be true and, look, it shows that the Covid19 epidemic and (wait for it) the installation of 5G masts are related.

You couldn’t make it up (I haven’t). I wonder how she voted in 2016.

And finally, a short joke
….Mark Francois


Oliver Ursus lives in Cheltenham; he doesn’t miss a trick