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West England Bylines
Home Politics

New car owner has reliability issues

Satirical article about politics, via the perspective of a new car that has reliability issues

Martin GriffithsbyMartin Griffiths
16 September 2020
in Politics
Reading Time: 2 mins
A A
Mr Bumble on the road to ruin

Mr Bumble on the road to ruin -image by Martin Griffiths

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A London based individual, Mr PM Bumble, has reported experiencing considerable reliability issues with the car that he has been driving since December.

Mr Bumble complained, ‘I had only been in charge of driving since July last year but took procession of this new car in December confident that it had over eighty improvements on the old, clapped out model I had inherited’.

However, Mr. Bumble quickly found that steering such a big vehicle was onerous, especially when the road conditions became difficult. ‘The road was much rougher than I imagined and kept turning back on itself and it all made me feel quite dizzy. I just couldn’t seem to keep to a regular route,’ he commented glumly. 

Even his friends have had issues with driving recently, with a Mr Dominic Goings making a new spectacle of himself by driving around sight-seeing during lockdown. Some of his other friends had started to realise that it may not be the car that was to blame, but Mr Bumble himself. A Mr Jeremy Bunt said, ‘I have always had a healthy disregard for someone who tries to drive without putting their hands properly on the wheel’. While his old school chum, Dave Cameundone, happily chirped, ‘He had always thought that being in charge of the driving would be easy and was consistently telling everyone to trust him, as he could do it better’.

‘I thought driving would be child’s play’ mumbled Mr Bumble. ‘I believed from a young age that it would just be jolly good fun. I didn’t imagine that I would have to get involved with proper maintenance or management and I certainly didn’t want to get my hands dirty! Then I found that the car was going down hill and the wheels were coming off. It all turned into a car crash’.

So, Mr Bumble started to look around for someone to blame.

But then he saw, “round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare. The lone and level sands stretch far away…”

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Martin Griffiths

Martin Griffiths

Martin grew up on a small farm on the Herefordshire/Worcestershire borders where he seemed to spend all summer picking fruit and all winter chasing lost sheep. After College he set up a successful ceramics workshop in Cirencester but after travelling in Africa he took on a teaching post including Art, Drama and Sports before eventually becoming a Housemaster and wearing a suit and tie every day! He spent the next few years teaching mainly Art, Photography and Literacy part time at an FE College and combined this with being a Barman, Chef, Photographer and Food Writer. He moved back into full time teaching with posts in Greece, Switzerland and France, mainly teaching Literature, and now combines examination work for the International Baccalaureate with making Ceramics, Drawing and Writing. He remains Chair of Tewkesbury for Europe.

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