SPOOF NEWS? Building Walls and Britain’s Brexit Border

The Cartoon Times takes an exclusive look at an article by Sarah Whine, the Daily Wail’s top journalist, in which she reported back from her recent, exclusive interview with Michael Gove.

Of her no-punches-pulled interview, Sarah said, ‘I had to track Govey down to his own home to get this interview’. According to Sarah, ‘Michael was on cracking form and showed me the map that he and his old chum “Cunning Cummings” had drawn up to illustrate the immense benefits they can see from us taking control of our country’s borders after the Brexit transition period and building a series of walls around our country’.

Brexit Borders – Source: Author

Sarah’s article also took on an international perspective when she added, ‘Inspired by the brilliantly successful wall-building projects undertaken by our friends in America, Govey and Dom are convinced that their wall building scheme will create British jobs for British workers. This will also help keep out unwanted foreigners such as the French and other Europeans while allowing nice Russians to fly in and carry on investing in London and supporting needy charity cases like the Tory Party’.

According to Sarah, Dom also explained to her how ‘my genius idea’ would enable significant parts of Kent to become a substantial lorry park, which would mean extra jobs in both the construction and catering industries. It’s good to know that their Brexit project will create jobs in these industries. The Cartoon Times understands that contracts have apparently already been awarded. Although, oddly, we have as yet been unable to establish to whom or for how much.

Further on in Sarah’s exposé, Michael outlined another positive advantage the wall could have by helping to keep out migrants such as unwanted foreign fish from British international waters. ‘Govey’ explained to Sarah, ‘Migrants are only really wanted if they are white fish and rich with nutrients. Fat Catfish are of course welcome and Lord knows can offer us significant benefits’.

His close friend Dom then revealed to Sarah that, ‘We have also appointed Mr. Grayling, a very odd fish and an expert in contracts, to find an engineer to produce a one-way gate that will keep British fish in British waters while allowing only the best quality foreign fish to enter’. Sarah commented that, ‘This definitely looks like a pretty (Priti?) solution to the question of such migration’. Unfortunately there are no figures as yet published as to the cost of this but as Sarah herself commented, ‘Mr. Grayling has considerable experience of awarding such contracts.’ So that’s reassuring.

Sarah concludes her interview with a review of the present leadership of the government and questions just how much longer the present Prime Minister can last, especially when there is such a strong and capable candidate as Michael waiting to take over. Michael apparently snorted dismissively at this suggestion, before saying, ‘Trust me when I say, I have always supported the present PM’. He added, ‘I could not be prime minister. I’m not equipped to be prime minister. I don’t want to be prime minister’.

However, Sarah felt sure that Michael is just being modest and that he has the experience and track record to move successfully into Number Ten and said, ‘Just look at the wonderful job he did when he was in charge of education and how he supported both David Cameron and Theresa May. He always stood behind them’.

Sarah finally quipped, ‘With such reliable figures as Michael, Dom and the Prime Minister all doing the right thing, what does the country have to worry about?’