Spoof News Film Review

The Blue Mile – Source: Author

New Bond film postponed!

Cinemas closing!

‘The Man Who Would Be King’ re-make cancelled!

But, good news! The staff here at Spoof News have been secretly collaborating with a Westminster Film Club to review a re-make of ‘The Green Mile’ film, in which a condemned inmate, walks to his demise followed by the incessant chants of, “Dead Man Walking.”

Under a new working title of ‘The Blue Mile’ this is an even darker, dystopian, horror film version, which is currently in production in multiple parts of the country while the main plot is set amongst the Machiavellian intrigue within the Palace of Westminster.

This epic film has been years in the making and sees the protagonist, played by Boris ‘Notgoodenough’ Johnson, attempt to take on a serious role when he has been previously been better known for his comic opera and TV advertising work. In this case it goes to show that if you cast a joker into a serious role you tend to end up with a farce.

The supporting cast doesn’t come across as any more convincing. Michael ‘Perfidious’ Gove, was actually fairly convincing in a previous role as Cassius, the back stabbing character in his version of Caesar. While he and his wife still think he should be the male lead, he just keeps forgetting his lines. Also, a less than healthy looking Matt ‘The Doctorer’ Hancock seems completely out of his depth in what should be a serious role. His present work on the long running TV soap ‘Carry on Medics’ has been a dramatic failure as he just can’t sound convincing when discussing medical issues.

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The darker side of the movie is portrayed by the sneering presence of Priti ‘Pushy’ Patel who is convincingly nasty and vengeful.  However, she is an actress without charm or empathy for other characters and her dislike of foreign actors and willingness to break contracts discredits any idea of her, or any of this theatrical gang, ever gaining a positive international market. More concerning is the curious character, Dominic ‘Rattus Rattus’ Cummings’ who while portraying an almost blind character in ‘The Barnard Castle Mystery’ was still able to miraculously drive his car extraordinary distances.  Quite how or why he seems to inflict such a dramatic influence on any aspect of the drama poses another unsolved riddle in what is becoming a shambolic charade with no consistent plot or sense of direction.

The other yet unsolved mystery is how on earth anyone can keep funding this movie. Billions was spent promoting their previous offering, ‘The Brexit Disaster’, which hasn’t even, despite the promises and multiple missed deadlines, even been properly seen yet! Now, we have a whole ‘new reality’ disaster movie unfurling under the direction of ‘Smoothie’ Sunak and his production team who seem to have discovered billions on an apparent magic money tree.

Finally, The Blue Mile is maybe best viewed as a tragic melodrama where the protagonist fails to convince, not only because of his total lack of suitability for the role and the Faustian pact he made in his attempt to be King but also because of the political plotting of those standing behind him. Often, right behind him.

However, when we asked who was the actually in charge or directing the movie, a number ten spokesman simply observed,

‘One man’s failure is another man’s opportunity.’

This drama continues to unfurl.